Napoleon Dynamite The True Story
by Lemony Suckit
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Napoleon Dynamite's life is really about? Well here you go! This is just a short little story of what REALLY should have happened in the movie.


Napoleon Dynamite- The True Story

"Come here Tina, and eat your dinner! Tina, hurry up! I have a date in like… three hours," says Napoleon.

The llama just sits there, and does nothing.

"Come on you fat lard, just eat your dinner," says Napoleon.

Napoleon is fed up with Tina and walks back inside.

"Hey Napoleon, do you think you could pull me into town in a couple of minutes? I have ballet class," asked Kip.

"My god, you idiot! Kip, you know I have a date coming up. I'm not going to miss it. Ok," says Napoleon.

"Ugh, fine, I guess I can go myself," says Kip.

Napoleon goes upstairs and gets ready for his big date.

"Are you sure you can't bring me into town," asked Kip, yelling from the living room?

"Uh… I said no you idiot," screams Napoleon!

"Hey, don't smart off to me! I am training to become a professional wrestler," says Kip as he walks out the door.

Napoleon comes out of his room with a nice tuxedo on. All of the sudden, the doorbell rings.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh… she is early. I'm not even quarter ready yet," says Napoleon.

When he opens the door, it's not who he was expecting. It was Kip and he says, "I have cramps."

"Ugh, you wimp," says Napoleon.

Napoleon slaps Kip in the face and runs upstairs again.

"Hey, what was that for? That hurt," says Kip.

Kip walks upstairs to Napoleon's room. He knocks on the door and says, "Come on Napoleon, open up. I need to talk to you. I think it's time for you to find out who you really are."

"What's that supposed to mean," asked Napoleon?

"Just open up and I'll tell you," says Kip.

Napoleon opens the door and sits back down on his bed. Kip comes into the room and sits by Napoleon. He then says, "I… I… have to tell you something, but I don't want you to get mad at me."

"Ugh, hurry up Kip, my date should be here in like two hours," says Napoleon.

"Well, when you were 1, your real mom put you in a foster home. A year later, I wanted a kid so I adopted you. Your step mom, Peter, left me for some go-go dancer from Las Vegas. Grandm—

"Wait, wait, wait, did you say Peter," asked Napoleon?

"Yes, what's wrong with that? I loved your step mom. She was beautiful, but now I found my life partner," says Kip.

"Was my step mom and man or a woman," asked Napoleon?

"Duh, Napoleon, Peter was a woman," says Kip.

Napoleon looks confused and says, "But… well, whatever. Go on."

"You know what, I don't think you're ready to hear the rest of the story," says Kip.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, tell me Kip," yelled Napoleon!

The doorbell rings and Napoleon runs downstairs. He opens the door and it's his date.

"Hey Napoleon, where are we going tonight? I would like to go to a fancy restaurant. How does that sound," asked Sally.

"Uh, ok, is Cluckin' Bucket good," asked Napoleon?

"Sure, I love the Cluckin' Bucket," says Sally.

They both walk out the door hand and hand. As they reach the sidewalk, they notice that both of them have a car, and the Cluckin' Bucket is more than six miles away. They stand there for about twenty minutes trying to think of something to say or do. All of the sudden, the door opens from Napoleon's house. It's Kip, again.

"Napoleon, come here," says Kip.

"But, Kip, I have a date," says Napoleon.

"Come here, Napoleon," says Kip.

"I have a date, Kip," says Napoleon.

"Napoleon, come here, now," says Kip.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fine," says Napoleon.

"I have decided to tell you the rest of that story," says Kip.

"Hurry up, what is it," asked Napoleon.

"Ok, the last part is… your fly is down," says Kip.

"Whoops," says Napoleon while pulling up his zipper.

Napoleon walks back over to Sally and says, "Well, at least it's a nice day out. I guess we could just take a walk."

"Yeah, you've got tha—

Suddenly, it starts pouring rain.

"Just great," says Sally.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" says Napoleon standing in the rain, soaking wet.

So far, Napoleon's date is going really badly, but then, it gets even worse. Napoleon's uncle shows up speeding down the road.

"Sally, watch out," says Napoleon.

"Watch out for what," asked Sally?

"Behind you," says Napoleon.

"What's behin—

Napoleon's uncle runs over Sally, and their mailbox.

"Ugh, why did you run over the mailbox," says Kip.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"


End file.
